Dream and Friends

As someone who reports on mobile apps for an indie games news site, all sorts of innovative ideas and fun concepts are e-mailed to me daily. I’ve seen side-scrolling platformers, platformers with physics puzzles, platformers starring mascot characters, platformers about collecting things, and platformers where you pay the developers extra money so that you don’t have to collect as many things.

I don’t think anything could’ve prepared me for Casey Duck: Butter Duck.

According to developer Zyqued Games, “Casey Duck: Butter Duck is a fun mobile game, starring Casey Duck and his quest for his butter.” You can play it for free at Zyqued’s website. It’s also available as a free app for Android devices, the iPhone and iPod Touch, and for the iPad as Casey Duck HD.

I should mention that Zyqued’s marketing slogan is “Play or Else.” You may not have realized it when you woke up today, but your continued personal safety hinges on whether or not you play Casey Duck: Butter Duck within the next 48 hours. I hope you make the right choice.

Once you play the game, you might be surprised to discover that it’s not a marketing tie-in commissioned by, like, Land O’Lakes, or something. No branding is involved here; some creative spirit simply had an idea for a game about a duck — who, according to the game’s theme song, “eats only butter and drinks just ghee” — and then a team of designers, artists, and programmers sat down and made that game.

Then they released it for free. Zyqued’s website has minimal advertising, and the apps are ad-free, as far as I know. How does Casey Duck supplement Zyqued’s revenue stream? I have no idea.

Oh, would you like to hear the theme song for Casey Duck: Butter Duck?

Marvelous.

The game itself finds Casey Duck searching for a savory stick of butter on the other side of his pond. Casey has no less than five attack moves at his disposal, which he can use to beat up on any lesser mammals he encounters during his quest. The journey is pretty easy up until the last level, after which it becomes stupidly difficult. And then it has the gall to end on a cliffhanger.

Below is a full playthrough of Casey Duck: Butter Duck. Sit back, crack open a jug of ghee, and slake your lust for butter as you watch this one.

[To keep up with the latest Casey Duck: Butter Duck news, please visit the official thread at Lost Levels.]

Yeah. Really.

It is not a good time of the month for you and you’re feeling a little rebelious today at school… Grab hold of your tampons and let loose on your school and your fellow classmates with Tampon Toss (TM) the Game!

Tampon Toss is the only game that lets you release your anger and throw tampons, not only at school property, but at the people that drive you nuts too!

Besides releasing anger, you’ll be racking up points each time you hit something. Watch out though! If you throw too many tampons too quickly, you’ll be paying the principal a little visit!

The best part is that this thing is developed by PacMaps, a company previously devoted to producing GPS maps for places like Disneyland and SeaWorld. This is their first game.

I can only imagine that the idea came to PacMaps’ president in a moment of divine inspiration — complete with shimmering pillar of light and angelic choir — after which he gave up his previously lucrative career as an amusement park mapper to pursue his holy mission to finally — finally! — make a game about throwing tampons at people.

I was around four, maybe five years old when Dad took me along on a trip to look at stereo equipment at the local Federated. In the middle of the store, there was a Nintendo Entertainment System set up with a Zapper and a copy of Duck Hunt.

While Dad browsed, I spent a solid hour killing 8-bit ducks. I’d never seen anything like it before; it was the first video game I’d ever played. By the time Dad was ready to leave, I knew that I had to have an NES immediately.

I had to be dragged out of the store, screaming in full-on temper tantrum mode by the time I was in the parking lot. I still remember Dad telling me that Mom would “skin us both alive” if he bought an NES that day. People stared as I was shoved, kicking and crying, into Dad’s station wagon. I sulked the entire ride home.

That Christmas, Santa brought me a Deluxe Edition Nintendo Entertainment System set, complete with R.O.B., Gyromite, and Duck Hunt. Life was better than it had ever been.

Duck Hunt played a vital role in my personal development. Years later, video games are still very much a part of my life and career.

Duck Hunt also serves to illustrate why the iPhone is the worst thing to ever happen to mankind.

Duck Hunt: The Game ($2.99)

Duck Hunt was also released as an arcade game in 1984 as Vs. Duck Hunt, and is included in the Play Choice-10 arcade console.

The game has one mode:

* One Duck – In each round, there are 10 ducks for the player to shoot down. Only one duck appears on screen at a time, and the player has three shots to hit it.

In the first mode, a dog retrieves the ducks a player shoots, and laughs at the player if both of the birds on screen escape (and if the player fails to advance to the next level).

The dog being shot in Vs. Duck Hunt.

Congratulations. You invented Duck Hunt. That was really forward-thinking of you, to release the game in 1984 so that you could sell it as a $2.99 iPhone app 26 years later.

Duck Hunting ($0.99)

Its time to duck hunt with Duck Hunting!

Become a duck hunter and try to get as many points as possible by shooting ducks!

Now THIS looks more like an iPhone game. Ever seen what it looks like when a programmer tries to draw? If not, now you have.

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I ran into a somewhat, ah, unique problem while writing up an article about Geometry Wars: Touch being released for the iPhone today. The screenshot above, cropped slightly, is what you see when you pull the game up in the App Store.

When it’s automatically resized using the “medium” setting in WordPress, though, you end up with this:

I chose to use a different screenshot.

As a big fan of sex slang, it always makes me happy when I see something like this happen.

This is why it’s a good idea to search the Internet for your proposed company name before committing to anything. Not only will you easily be able to find out if the name is already taken, but you might also avoid naming yourself after something like this. That’s the very first Google search result for the phrase, by the way.

Frankly, these bears aren’t even very good at keeping it on the down low.

Related: a few months back, this banner ad made my day.

Next time you have a zombie problem, well, now you know how to fix it.

“Avallon Alliance, today proudly announce a great update to adventure and puzzle game ‘Cassandra’s Journey: Legacy of Nostradamus HD’. It is available for purchase and update at the AppStore for iPad. ‘Cassandra’s Journey: The Legacy of Nostradamus HD’ is your ticket to the world of magic and adventures. Rich world of magical trinkets looks even more splendid on iPad!

Cassandra would like to follow in her grandmother’s fortune-telling footsteps and with the spirit of mysterious Nostradamus takes a trip, searching for the lost Ring. They meet diverse characters, visit beautiful locations, accomplish a lot of tasks and gradually find a surprising solution to the main riddle. Adventures take place in middle-ages and present time.”

It’s getting to the point where I can glance at an e-mail subject line and instantly identify a hidden object game, saving me the time it would take to read further. This particular app isn’t just a hidden object game, though! It’s also a match-three puzzler.

Give me two minutes and I bet I could come up some really good titles for hidden object games. Here goes:

• Egypt Mystery: Legend of the Pharaoh
• Aztec Legends: Journey of Fate
• Secret Societies: Mystical Wonders
• Lindsay’s Quest: Lands Beyond Time
• Wonders of Power: Gem Incantations
• Monster Kingdom: Jewel Summoner (oh wait)
• Ethereal Place: Noun of Historical Figure
• Waterfall Village: Kelsey’s Misty Travels

Oop, time’s up. Please contact me if you’d like to license any of these titles for your hidden object game for grandmas.

My Virtual Girlfriend is a fully 3D, girl dating simulation game with lots of humor and mature themes.

You start out by filling out a dating profile similar to those found on the popular dating websites, including a little info about you, as well as what aspects you like to see in a partner.

Once the information is gathered it narrows it down to the top three choices based on your preferences and offers you to select one lucky girl to have a virtual relationship with.

Feel the semen in your haaaaaand!
(Protect your ovum while you can)
SPERMAN

(This might not be safe for work? Maybe?)

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I report news about iPhone games. I report news about educational games. When the two meet, it normally brings me great joy. Except when this happens.

Fisher-Price: See ‘n Say

“Oh wow,” I thought to myself, at first. “They’re not dumbing it down for kids. They’re using real scientific terms and everything.” Then I actually tried to look up a definition for “speical,” and I felt really dumb for the rest of the day.

Fisher-Price: Chatter Telephone

To my credit, though, I never thought that Pete the police officer’s salty language was at all appropriate for children.

Want to make your very own iPhone game? It’s easy! Here’s how.

Step 1: Look at Doodle Jump.
Step 2: Make Doodle Jump.
Step 3 (optional): Add your own characters for a fun personal touch.

Here’s an example!

Move the Pokemon left and right by tilting the iphone, so it continues its journey into the skies by landing on the net and reach new heights! Also get bonus points on your journey by catching the pokeball. A very simple fun filled game which can kill hours easily without boring you.

[Note: For some reason, this game was removed from the App Store shortly after its release and is no longer available for sale. It was replaced with the following.]

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